Jack Horner

Jack Horner

Sticks his massive thumb into any available hole

It is statistically proven that holes plugged with thumbs make a tighter and more permanent seal.

Jack Horner held the coveted title of Current Champ from Tuesday, September 08, 2009 to Friday, September 11, 2009, heartily vanquishing Loophole to earn it. Unfortunately, brutal defeat came soon after, at the merciless hands of Joyless Stick.

This hero's magnaminous likeness was captured at the moment of glorious triumph by Sutter .

Audience

Quotes overheard while standing in the crowd that gathered to watch the carnage…

  1. ewwwww....

    artfullydone | [ a ]
  2. Thumbs up!

    Vercalos | [ a ]
  3. Hehe - NICE sutter :D

    bearskinrug | [ a ]
  4. Incidentally, he’s also band from thumb wrestling matches, worldwide, due to the unfortunate incident at the ’64 world championships where several contestants were hospitalized with one near fatality. The near fatality came from a reporter who stated “Jack simply gave her a “thumbs-up” during an interview after winning the quarter-final round.” Jack was crowned winner of the ’64 world championships largely due to all semi-final contestants never showed for their matches.

    netdruid | [ a ]
  5. I'd like to see him thumb wrestle that dutch kid that stopped up the dam. As far as fake combat goes, that would be up there with the final match of the tour de force Stallone film "Over the Top".

    ajob223 | [ a ]
  6. Perhaps some Gus Van Sant-related joke should go here...?
    I love the fact that the thumb looks older and wiser than Jack, with the hat and everuthing...it's a bit like a ventrilouquist dummy who actually controls the puppeteer...quite unsettling.

    Aron  | [ a ]
  7. Loopholes be dammed!

    Herrimanjoe | [ a ]
  8. @NETDRUID:ha ha ha!

    GOOD GIRL | [ a ]

A Random Hero!

Spartame

Spartame

His sweetness is entirely artificial. First he sweetens up his enemies. Then, when they're not expecting it — STAB! And this really horrible aftertaste.