The Iron Cabinet: Filing away your documents... forever!
The Magma Carta: Limits the rights of the Monarchy, while instantly vaporizing plastic.
Queen Zip of the Loch: Heavily taxing plastic sandwich bags.
The Von Brownbag Children: Bring lunch to school EVERY day.
Mr. Jellyhead: Can absorb any impact.
The Asteroid: Detour or not... he's gonna HIT!
The Detour Raptor: Finding you a safer way.
The Pothole: Capable of knocking anyone off the wagon.
Detoxitron: Featuring REVOLUTIONARY 12-Step Program.
Alco-Hal: Draining the World's hairspray supply because he can't afford real alcohol.
Betty Luke: Gettin' by just fine without any taste.
The Taste Burglar: Stealing your taste buds in the night.
The Deep Friar: Makes Everything taste Good!
Brocco-Lee: Taste bitter defeat when you oppose Brocco-Lee!
6 Year-Old Girl: Can throw a Tea Party anywhere!
Albinis: Albinis the eyeless, albino tortoise
The Chlorinatrix: Through deep concentration he instills a blinding fear.
The Pro Swimmer: Completely devoid of hair... and FEAR!
Hot-shave Carl: Ever meet a Ring Leader <em>without</em> a mustache that was worth a damn?
The Ring Leader: So underpays clowns that they become incapable of joy.
Hyuky Laffenjoke: He can find hilarity in any story!
Ben Soilperocks-Hyde: Hours and Hours of dry conversation.
Albert McAcne: Putting blemishes all over that pretty face of yours.
The Old Schoolmate: Easily tears down any self-esteem built up since High School.
Someone: He's not no one.
The Unopposinator: Will win every battle, provided there's absolutely NO opposition at all.